i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
