Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize