Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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