I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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