STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
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