Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize