Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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