bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
