im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
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