I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Randomize
