I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
