Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
