i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
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