so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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