Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Randomize
