I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
