I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
