I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
