I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
