You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
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