She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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