Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
