You're completely useless in the revolution.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
smell my finger.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
