I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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