Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
