So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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