yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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