So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
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