I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
