dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
what day is it and did you see me today?
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
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