as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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