its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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