bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
