Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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