Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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