that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
