his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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