i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize