i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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