yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
