They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Randomize
