I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
