i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
