He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
