there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize