laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
