Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
