wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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