nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
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