Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
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