i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize
