you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Can I color on your dick again?
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Randomize
