Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
