These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
