cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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