He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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