You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
