cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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