I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
