you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
