I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
the night ended with taco bell and tears
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
