We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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