She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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