You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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