Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
