im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
If its not for food we ain't going out.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
