Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
