Michael Bay diarrhea
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
