WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
