Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
