found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
