I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
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