my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
