He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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