He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Randomize
