Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
