We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
