OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
