Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
