Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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