Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
