Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Randomize
