Umm I'm too high to move.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
