Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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